did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
