okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
