my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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