im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
