just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
