I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
