Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
