I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
