He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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