thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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