we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
