a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
