I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
