It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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