i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
