I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
