If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
do nipples grow back?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
