im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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