My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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