I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
