chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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