I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
