i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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