I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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