it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
