there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
