I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Less talking, more tequila
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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