why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
