Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
