I can text with my tongue
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
