We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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