You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You ate ashes out of my bong
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
