my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
