you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
