Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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