My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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