If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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