im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's never too late to be topless.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
