Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There r osticjed everywhere
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
