my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
