Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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