I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
