Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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