Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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