I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
