i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
