i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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