there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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