This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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