I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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