I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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