The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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