when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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