My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
