Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
BRING THE BAGELS
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
