A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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